A Dementia Prayer

Engage the mind, touch the heart, feed the soul Taken from “People with Dementia and the Local Church” – by Malcolm Goldsmith “Lord, as we hold before you people with dementia We are confronted by mystery and sadness, by ambiguity and confusion. We pray for all who are engaged in research looking for ways to … Continue reading »

Dementia Roller Coaster

In the early to moderate stages of dementia, there may be times when you feel your loved one is improving. One day he may communicate much better than usual but the next day he can’t find his bathroom. Your hopes will be lifted momentarily, so allow yourself to enjoy those lucid moments.

Nursing Homes and Quality Ratings

Don’t put much faith in the Quality Measures of a nursing home as listed on the Medicare.gov site. This is a quote from the site – “Nursing homes are rated overall and on health inspections, nursing home staffing and quality measures. More stars are better. *Note: The Quality Measure ratings are taken from data submitted by the … Continue reading »

Feeling powerless? You have an Advocate

In too many cases, families feel powerless once a loved one enters a long-term care facility.  In addition to the mound of paperwork to be completed, reassignment to a new physician, and establishing how care will be paid for, there is the conveying of food likes and dislikes, the reminders of health issues which need to … Continue reading »

“A” for Effort

Always remember – People with dementia are doing the best they are capable of. Try to determine in what type of environment they do best, and provide that as often as possible.

Ask for Junk Mail? Are You Crazy?!!!

No, not in this case. My friend said her mom likes to receive mail, so she subscribed to a few free catalogs for her. When they arrive, her mom is so happy because “she got mail!” More often than not, it’s the little things that mean the most. Thanks D.B. for this tip!

Is it a Dog or a Cow or a Seal?

    OR  A      OR  A We used to laugh when Mom would call our 90-pound canine buddy, Paco, a cow or a seal.       She really seemed to have lost a grip on reality when she couldn’t identify a dog, so we thought. Some time later, I recalled those moments and … Continue reading »

Taking the Fear out of Visitation

Are you struggling with what to expect or what to say when visiting a friend and/or loved one with dementia? You aren’t alone. The following link will guide you to some great visitation tips. In addition to those in the linked article, I will add one more idea – Loved ones of dementia victims can … Continue reading »

The Caregiver

24/7 caregiver responsibilities are exhausting in every way. Caregiving  isn’t a situation of giving your all and reaping a normal reward from the progress your efforts have made. The reward now is very different. It will require all the strength you have to be attentive every minute of every day. So, why is arranging for … Continue reading »

Let’s Talk About the Good Ole’ Days

In the early stages of dementia, we can help a loved one keep up with appointments, medications, household needs, etc. because the memory is still somewhat intact. As the disease progresses, this isn’t so. Our loved ones slip into their own world and out of ours. Many of us who are new to the diagnosis … Continue reading »

Let Them Know Your Wishes

I embraced a heartbroken and dear friend today as she recalled the euthanizing of her beloved canine friend last week. If there was anything that could have cured him, she would have done it. But there wasn’t. Cancer had made life an overwhelming struggle for him. Not only have I been in her shoes with … Continue reading »

Little Known Source of Financial Help

A little known program exists through the Veterans Administration for veterans and their spouses who require regular assistance with activities of daily living. For more information including eligibility criteria, click on the link below and contact your local VA representative. The Aid & Attendance Improved Pension

It’s Laughing Time!

SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.  Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!” “Hell,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car.  It’s hundreds … Continue reading »

Unconditional Love and Dementia

“Intense love does not measure, it just gives.” Mother Teresa It is human nature to give love of the conditional variety. We love family members because we should … we love those who are good … we love those who are similar to us in their likes and dislikes. We tend to give love to … Continue reading »

Now THAT, My Friend, is a Love Story!

She was a brown-eyed beauty, and he was a handsome blonde with blue eyes. She left for college, and he joined the Navy and became a Navy diver and corpsman. After her graduation and his Navy service, they married. Forty-six years later, she was diagnosed with Dementia, probably of the Alzheimer’s type. When she became … Continue reading »

A Checkbook Talks

I knew an older lady who was so sharp with all things related to money. She balanced her checkbook to the cent, moved savings around to obtain the highest possible interest, and even invested in blue-chip stocks after much due diligence.  While reviewing some other paperwork, her son came across the latest bank statement. It … Continue reading »

Finally! Patient-Centered Dementia Care

Alzheimer’s Therapy Focuses on Care The above link is a great article. FINALLY, memory loss facilities are getting the point, but too many general nursing homes are lagging far behind. It is NOT appropriate to force the dementia victim into a life that is for the caregivers’ convenience. If I develop this horrible disease – … Continue reading »

Silent Suffering – The Plight of our Seniors

I want to re-direct the focus of this blog for a few minutes. After my mom died from dementia complications, I felt so lost and without purpose. Through my connection with the lovely Executive Director of our county’s Senior Enrichment Center, I learned of some of the most basic struggles our low-income senior citizens are … Continue reading »

Redundant Research

Alzheimer’s Risk Factors – 1,320,000 results Education and Dementia – 4,180,000 results Exercise and dementia – 2,470,000 results Obesity and Dementia – 1,420,000 results Smoking and Dementia – 1,550,000 results Genetics and Dementia – 1,480,000 results Fat intake and Dementia – 100,000 results Age and Dementia – 6,700,000 results I think we can stop writing … Continue reading »

The True Experts

Google searches: What is Dementia? 11,000,000 results What causes dementia? 3,640,000 results What does Dementia feel like? 620,000 results My dad visited in a home where the wife has dementia. She walked into the room, looked around, and said - “I don’t know who I am or where I am.” That one sentence is more definitive … Continue reading »

If Only …

“Of all the forms of wisdom, hindsight is by general consent the least merciful, the most unforgiving.” John Fletcher Another “If only I had known” moment blew through my family last week. A well-meaning individual was telling my dad how much he loved my mom and that she was his favorite teacher. He went on … Continue reading »

Bath Time Blues

When a senior rebels at bath time, it’s usually just that – she doesn’t want a bath. It could be she feels she’s lost her independence … it could be modesty … it could be she feels you’re insinuating she “smells bad” by suggesting a bath … it could be she just doesn’t feel like … Continue reading »

The Yellow Butterfly

To many, the butterfly symbolizes the soul that physical death can not destroy. My mom loved butterflies. We are lifted each time one flies by as we wonder if it is Mom’s sweet spirit just checking in on us. That thought brings us great comfort. “Beautiful and graceful, varied and enchanting, small but approachable, butterflies … Continue reading »

White Tennis Shoes

My mom always wore sparkling white Keds with her casual clothes, and there was usually a pair drying on the screened porch. When her dementia required my sister and me to begin purchasing her clothing, we thought – “How hard can this be? We know Mom’s likes and dislikes.” Then came the unexpected glitch. Mom … Continue reading »

A Sense of Validation

As dementia begins to rob your loved one of independent activities such as driving, caring for the grandchildren, buying groceries, etc., there will still be a need to feel validated as a contributing individual. Unfortunately, she may be unable to find activities on her own, so you must help. Whatever activity you suggests, whether it’s stacking … Continue reading »

5 Crucial Communication Tips

I was recently at a location where I witnessed a healthcare provider trying to “force” a dementia victim to remember. This lone episode SHOUTS how most people know very little about dementia. Communicating can be extremely frustrating on both sides. I hope these tips will open the door for you to find ways to exchange … Continue reading »

CAUTION – This may break your heart !

Imagine this: *You are chemically and physically bound to a wheelchair in a nursing home. *Dementia has robbed you of your ability to communicate verbally. *You are experiencing the worst pain you’ve ever felt from a UTI, of which you have a history; or a cancerous tumor that has unknowingly developed; or a migraine headache … Continue reading »

Finding Humor Amidst the Pain

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.  One night the 96-year-old draws a bath.  She puts her foot in and pauses.  She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.”  She starts … Continue reading »

Who will I be today?

This is one of those heavy-heart moments … the first time you realize a loved one doesn’t know you. I remember feeling so lost and alone, for only those who have been there can truly understand. I believe that although our faces can’t be placed with the correct names or relationships, there remains a connection … Continue reading »

What are you Passionate About?

If we could harness and divert the passion shown behind the ropes and in front of televisions during the Masters’ Golf Tournament yesterday, can you imagine what we could accomplish? If only we could channel that level of enthusiasm for housing the homeless, that unwavering devotion to the proper care of our elderly, that obsession … Continue reading »

The Stranger

Mom was five years into a diagnosis of dementia, probably of the Alzheimer’s type. I was spending Thanksgiving night 2005 with her. Sundown Syndrome had taken its seat by her that evening. As she and I sat on the sofa, holding hands, she looked at me, smiled, and asked, “What made you come visit us? … Continue reading »

Laughter is Good!

“An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.’ The other man said, ‘What … Continue reading »

Don’t Hesitate to Laugh

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER 80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.  She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!” An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?” Bessie thinks a minute … Continue reading »

“The Long Good-Bye” – Not Yet

If you have a loved one showing signs of memory loss, seek help. But, don’t quickly accept a dementia diagnosis without further discussion. There are many treatable medical conditions which can cause dementia-like symptoms. Ask your practitioner about the possibility of diabetes, anemia, reduced kidney and liver function, hypothyroidism, depression, Vitamin B-12 deficiency, etc. After … Continue reading »

Just say “Hi”

My dad’s heart was broken twice within 16 months as he stood by my mom, his wife, and his mom as they passed away.  As painful as it remains, he goes back to the same nursing home every other day to visit friends and relatives. He recently commented – “Many of our friends never came … Continue reading »

Don’t Forget the Legal Documents!

  I am NOT a lawyer, so I can’t give specific information on legal issues. What I CAN do is encourage you to be sure you have the appropriate legal documents in place for you and your loved ones. Fortunately, my mom had a Health Care Power of Attorney among other documents. On several occasions … Continue reading »

The AH-HA Moment

Have you ever had a moment when a questionable past decision suddenly made sense? During my junior year of nursing school, I realized I should have been in pre-med instead of nursing. I loved the science of diagnostics. By the time I finished nursing school, I didn’t have the physical or academic energy to continue … Continue reading »

Dementia Humor

Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor’s office. The doctor asks “What is three times three?” The first man answers “274.” The second man answers “Tuesday.” The third man answers “Nine.” The doctor, pleasantly surprised at the third man’s correct response, inquires “Great! How did you get that answer?” “Simple. Just … Continue reading »

Team Work

Mom was right about so many things.  One of the most important to me is that I can approach life’s issues with  a frown or a smile.  It’s totally up to me. I’m sure many onlookers called my sister and me very cold in our sometimes humorous responses to our mother’s actions from Alzheimer’s Disease.  … Continue reading »

Expression Deception

If I’m having a tough day, no one will be the wiser if I smile at everyone I meet. On the flip side, I could win the lottery but a frown would lead those around me to think my day has been terrible. Dr. Kathryn Agarwal, Geriatric Fellow at Harvard Medical School, writes “Patients with … Continue reading »

Knowledge is Good

Behaviors caused by dementia cannot be consciously controlled by the affected one. Some victims may wander from home … some may walk out of stores with items they have forgotten to pay for … others may walk around looking in the neighbors windows … some may speak loudly in public without inhibition. Before these activities … Continue reading »

Corporate responsibility and pain management

While pain assessment in the cognitively impaired patient is difficult, it is not impossible. Therefore, why do we so often see sedatives given as a first-line treatment of agitation which can be caused just as often or more by pain than psychotic events? Anesthesia & Analgesia (2007) - “an unreasonable failure to treat pain is viewed … Continue reading »

The Journal

As I traveled through the Sunset Years with my mom, I kept a journal. I highly recommend doing this. My writings covering topics from medical appointment summaries to new symptoms/medication changes to the first day Mom didn’t recognize me have served my own forgetfulness well.  I can now go back through the pages when I … Continue reading »

Unsung Heroes

At this point, I want to give credit where it’s due. Working in a nursing home is hard. For most of the positions, the pay is poor. The tasks are back-breaking and heart-breaking. I tip my hat and send a huge “thank you” to the housekeepers, the dietary helpers, and the nursing assistants whose work … Continue reading »

Agitation and Metastatic Cancer !

Are you thinking – “How are these two connected?” The answer – they are, and they aren’t. A nursing home consultation was requested for a dementia patient exhibiting bath-time resistance. The patient was later diagnosed with bone fractures related to metastatic cancer. In a less progressive environment, this patient would have been chemically sedated and … Continue reading »

Painful Proof

The University of North Carolina – Chapel Hill conducted a study which revealed “that dementia patients and cognitively healthy patients had similar rates of often-painful conditions like cancer, osteoarthritis and degeneration in the spinal disks.” Families must be relentless in reminding the caregivers of painful medical histories. Why is it so difficult to believe that conditions … Continue reading »